I hate your face
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
