Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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