i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
