Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
