the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
