All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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