ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
