Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
