Im at strip club and am horny
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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