Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
