You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
