i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
