Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
