I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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