I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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