Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize