My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
