Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
