You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
