why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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