8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
