I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
