he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
