My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
