we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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