If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
