Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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