he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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