My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
