He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
