The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
