Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
