sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
