The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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