I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
