Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
