I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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