I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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