So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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