There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
