I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
