I wish I only lived at night.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
