Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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