I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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