you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
