I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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