You're my little dorito
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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