I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
