You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
