Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
