One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
