he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
