Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
