The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize