Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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