i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
