Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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