Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize