I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
