Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
