at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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