Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My day in three words: secret purse cake
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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