Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize