Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
