If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All the doctor said was why
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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