you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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