Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
