yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize