it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
