Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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