margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize