so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize