i don't like sucking hair
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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