Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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