I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
