Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
