I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize