Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
