Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
