I wish I only lived at night.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
