I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
