Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize