I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
