do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
