I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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