I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
