i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
