Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
